Servant Leadership is what?

“Servant leadership” is a term bandied around.  What do you picture when you hear it?  One genuflected and spineless or better stated genuflected because they are spineless?

Servant leadership in the home, marketplace or church is not wimpish and certainly is not devoid of authority.  What is absent is the drive for pomp and prestige, the willingness to scramble up the “ladder” on the heads, hearts and hands of others.  For sure servant leaders exercise authority, but they do so for the good of those they lead even if such leadership requires sacrifice on their part.

Jesus said this about leadershp:

25 But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mt 20:25-28 ESV)

Seven percent ain’t enough, do you hear me?

Seven percent! The rest comes from other things. Just 7% of the meaning someone is communicating comes through their words, the rest is found in their intonation, body language, facial expressions and other non-verbal means.

Now that might explain why I don’t always understand what my wife and kids are trying to tell me. Could it be I am too focused on the “message” and miss the meaning-rich delivery? Do I need to refocus my attention such that not only can I hear what they are saying but I can process how they said it? What was in their tone? Where were they looking when they talked to me? What did they do with their hands?

My listening needs to be active. Sometimes what I will do is to give the person talking some feedback in order to test out if I am catching their meaning. I won’t just repeat the verbal message I will add in some of what I am picking up from their non-verbals.

What do you do to improve your understanding of what people are communicating?

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Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (Ja 1:19-20)

Re-engagement with the one I love

The crowds were chanting, waving their placards, condemning cruise missiles and the government for sanctioning their development. I was 22, I didn’t know what I thought about cruise missiles, but my mind was clear about their demonstration; it I was most definitely against. At that moment of my life, in that place, I was against any and all forms of free speech that would detract from the business at hand. Much planning had gone into that moment. Prayer, money, time and energy had all been expended to make that moment just right. And now the chanting and the waving were messing with the mood. Could they not call the politicians to account on another day? Did it have to be today? Did it have to be as I was about to propose? Alright, alright keep yelling, we’ll move, but somehow, someway I am going to ask her to marry me.

Twenty five years ago on Feb. 12 I was engaged to the woman that became my wife. It is easy to remember the story, it is harder to remember that I still need to be “engaged”. My marriage is not going to be all it could be, or should be, if I disengage from my bride. I still need to be expending time, money, energy and prayer so that there is yet moments of romance in my marriage. The crowds have changed, but the distracting chanting and waving still remains. Alright so be it, but somehow I will find a way to romance my bride!

3 Keys to being “Husband”

What does it mean to be a husband according to the Jesus Way? Recently I took a shot at defining the essentials based on Eph 5:21-33.

Husbands need to be passionate about the well-being of their brides. That passion is expressed in at least three key ways.

First, husbands are pro-active servant-leaders. Just as Jesus took the initiative and gave himself up for his bride (v. 25), so guys we should be taking the initiative to step up to our responsibilities, to step in to the situation and to step out for our brides. Sure there are times when I don’t feel like taking initiative. It’s harder to be pro-active, but ducking my responsibilities to my wife is not loving her like Jesus loved the Church. It’s also hard to make sure my leadership is serving God’s purposes for my wife rather than serving my self-centred interests. Anyone relate to that?

Second, husbands protect their bride. Jesus sacrificed himself to “sanctify” his bride (v. 26). He gave of himself to deliver his bride from corruption and death to holiness and life. As earthly husbands our role is analogous. We take the initiative to protect our bride from that which threatens her well-being, whether that threat is physical, spiritual, or otherwise. Protecting our wife is not dominating her with self-serving rules or putting her in her place with our remarks.

Third, husbands provide for their bride. Just as Jesus nourished and cherished the Church (v. 29) so we should care for the needs of our bride. We might quickly think about providing her material needs and that is a good start, but guys we need to be the one that provides our bride with security and affirmation so that she can flourish and become the woman God intends.

The issues men face

What are the issues? The issues that guys are dealing with…guys in the church, guys in the workplace, guys at the rink and on the court? Here is a list that came out of discussions that four of us had yesterday. They are not ranked…this is just the order they came up.

1. Understanding the women in our lives
2. Being connected with other guys
3. Knowing our role as a man
4. Finding freedom to be who we are to be
5. Being accountability to other men
6. Being disciplined to do what we ought to do

I would love to hear your take.

How incompetent are you at work?

Are you an incompetent manager? Margaret Heffernan at FastCompany.com identified 10 habits that she suggests are pointers towards managerial incompetence.

I have recast those 10 into the following two categories:

1. You are not honest about your own fears and limitations.
   1. You put off decisions for fear you might make the wrong one.
   2. You hide behind consultants.
   3. You hire people who will not out shine you.
   4. You work long hours to look good.
   5. You focus on procedures because you’re not sure how to advance the process.
   6. You become consumed with little tasks because you can’t handle the key ones.
2. You are not trustworthy in relationships.
   1. You keep secrets from your staff unnecessarily.
   2. You are unable to correct staff honestly and directly.
   3. You have burned your bridges…no former employees want to join your team.
   4. You fail to honour deadlines, robbing the team of a sense of accomplishment.

How do you measure up?

The bottom line here is more than what you might think. Our honesty and trustworthiness with our “little” piece of the marketplace is an indicator of our preparedness to be faithful in the “much” of God’s kingdom.

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much – Jesus (Lk 16:10)

It’s your move!

Where was Adam when his bride was being accosted by the serpent? Don’t give me the line, “The text doesn’t say exactly.” Maybe not ‘exactly’, but what it says is plenty for my point. Adam, wherever he was ‘exactly’, he wasn’t ‘there’ putting himself forward to protect his wife from the craftiness of the Father of all lies. He wasn’t ‘there’ putting himself forward to provide guidance about God’s command. Wherever he was, he wasn’t up front giving himself for his wife and he is not up front for the rest of us husbands either. We must look elsewhere for a role model.

Paul points us in the right direction. He writes,

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25)

Whereas the first Adam gave up his bride when God came a callin’ in the garden, the second Adam gave himself up in the garden for all those that would become his bride the church.

Here is the deal: Men of the Way, step up, put up and give themselves up for the wellbeing of their bride.

Take this on-line poll

What makes your kids happy?

How happy are the young people in your life? The happiness of American youth (aged 13-24) was the focus of an MTV/Associate Press study. Let me recap some of the findings I found noteworthy.

1. General Happiness – 65 percent of respondents say they are happy with the way things are going in their lives in general and 62 percent think they will be happier in the future than they are now.

2. Parents, Family and Relationships – Parents are seen as an overwhelmingly positive influence in the lives of most young people. Remarkably, nearly half of respondents mention at least one of their parents as a hero.

3. Religion and Spirituality – 80 percent of those who say spirituality is the most important thing in life say they are happy with life in general, compared with 60 percent of those who say that spirituality is not an important part of life at all.

4. Fortune and Fame – 70 percent say they want to be rich – and nearly half think it’s at least somewhat likely they will be someday – but just 29 percent want to be famous. Only 17 percent think they will be famous.

5. Technology – And contrary to popular views of technology as a source of stress, many young people would be more stressed out without technology, with nearly half saying they never turn off their cell phones – even when they’re trying to chill out.

I see some of this in my own kids, particularly regarding technology. Instant messaging, texting and Facebook is their tech-enabled “hanging out”. The means have changed from “back in the day” but not the goal. Do I need to cut them some more slack?

Hey did you read that parents are still considered as heroes by their kids! Could it be we have more influence than we think, more than they might be willing to let on? For me that stat was a little boost to keep on speaking into the lives of my kids…they might secretly appreciate it.

What caught your attention?

Family Supper is…

When it came to having meals together as a family I thought we were doing pretty well. Let’s review. Last night all of us ate together. Sunday night, well my daughter was entertaining friends downstairs, but we all ate the same stuff. Saturday, hmmm — oh yah we were out. Friday, nope again; one was at work and another at a youth thing. Thursday, nope; we were busy at the church. Wednesday, yes! Tuesday, nope; I was traveling. So what is that? 2 out of 7?

Isn’t that pretty good?

It is not according to a study done at Columbia University regarding the importance of family dinners.

The study found that in comparison to families that have frequent family dinners (5 or more per week), those teens that have supper with their families twice or less per week are:

• three and a half times likelier to have abused prescription drugs
• three and a half times likelier to have used an illegal drug other than marijuana or prescription drugs
• one and a half times likelier to have drunk alcohol

The study also reported that:

• 84 percent of teens prefer to have dinner with their families rather than eat alone
• Teens who have fewer than three family dinners per week are more than twice as likely to do poorly in school

I don’t come away from reading these findings thinking that if we just have more meals together as a family that everything will turn out rosy. But the studies have reinforced for me the importance of regularly plugging into my kids’ lives.

What do you take away?

The top three sex needs of wives

I didn’t make these up. These are what were reported by Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg based on responses from 700 wives.

Number 1 – affirmation – expressed with authenticity outside the bedroom as well as within

Number 2 – Connectedness – validate her by demonstrating you understand her world and her level of weariness

Number 3 – Non-sexual touch that expresses affection but leads nowhere else

Given the above let me add that a husband will get bonus points if he:

• Sincerely affirms his wife in front of her friends
• Not only “gets” her weariness but does something to lessen it
• Puts some energy into discovering what non-sexual touches are most appreciated by his bride